Category Archives: Humor

Whoa boy!

Man, I have to tell you.  Between my normal life and getting this farm up for the spring, and my own garden, I’m beat!

Meetings in the morning, then spent 4 hours in the sun yesterday hand shoveling trailers full of dirt, then some meetings, then quick unloaded a truckload of wood chips and then drove back to the farm to cover up all the plants for the frost that I was warned not to plant before June 1st or we may have a stupid late frost only I didn’t listen because I’m too smart for my own good and everyone else is wrong and there you have it.

So hopefully all those lovely squash and cuke plants that I’ve been lovingly tending in the greenhouse make it through the night.

😦

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Who throws a shoe? Really?

I’m assuming you’ve all seen the video of Bush ducking some thrown shoes.  One word: Hilarious.  Can’t believe that happened.  Reminds me of the assissin in Austin Powers that throws shoes to kill people (and was that a James Bond character before that?).

I understand that is a big insult in the Middle Eastern world, but how did that come about?

In other news on this side of the world, the chickens made it through the night last night when it was about 30 below zero with the wind chill.  I expected that I would see little chicken-cicles this morning but they were fine, and they each laid an egg too.  I did turn the lamp on this morning though so the coop has to be around 30 now.  I’m sure they are loving it…

My oldest one lost his first tooth.  Very exciting times in our house tonight.  Unfortunately he swallowed it so he had to make a note for the tooth fairy about the situation.

There’s been a lot of talk lately on this blog and others about food supplies and food shortages that may be coming up in the coming year.  In fact, you should go over to see Sharon’s predictions for 2009.  She was very accurate for this year (although past performance is no guarantee of future success) but it may give you some idea what to expect in this coming year.  Anyway, I’ve been storing some flour (white, I know, but it’s the most used one) around our house (I try to keep about 35 pounds on hand) as well as some whole wheat flour in the freezer.  What I really wanted to mention was my other method of storing calorie dense foods.

Pasta.

Pasta is a loss leader quite frequently in the supermarkets so each week when I go I buy 2 or 3 packages of whatever is on sale.  (Along with a few for the food banks)  This gives me the calories of bread, but stores without the same spoilage concerns.  Also, it pairs well with a lot of vegetables, so by default it helps us eat the necessary food items like tomatoes, celery, onions, garlic and carrots.  That means we’ll still be getting some decent nutrients whereas with bread we would mostly be eating butter with jam, if we end up eating nothing but pasta.  It also fits really well in soup.

Anyway, that’s my idea.

What a Man

These videos are quite humorous.  They do have some profanity so don’t watch them at work, or if you aren’t OK with that kind of thing.

Click here to go to the site.

I’ve had discussions with roommates just like these.  I lived with one guy who would never wash his dishes.  Finally I got fed up with him and dumped them on his bed; moldy dishes, stanky rinse water, everything.  He just moved to his couch and finally cleaned it up after a couple days.

The Haircut

> The Haircut
>
> One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
> asked about his bill and the barber replies, ‘I cannot accept money
>
> from you, I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was
>
> pleased and left the shop.
>
> When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning, there is
>
> a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
>
> Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his
> bill, the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you.
>
> I’m doing community service this week.’ The cop is happy and
>
> leaves the shop.
>
> The next morning when the barber goes to open up. there is a
>
> ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
>
> Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and
>
> when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ‘I cannot
>
> accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.’
>
> The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.
>
> The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a
>
> ‘thank you’ card and a dozen different books, such as ‘How
>
> to Improve Your Business’ and ‘Becoming More Successful.
>
> ‘Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes
>
> to pay his bill the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money
>
> from you, I’m doing community service this week.’ The
>
> Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop.
>
> The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are
>
> a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
>
> And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference
>
> between the citizens of our country and the members of our
>
> Congress.
>
> Vote carefully this year

Fun with Puns

. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The Stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, ‘Dam!’

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says, ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. But why they asked, as they moved off. ‘Because,’ he said, ‘I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.’

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, ‘They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.’

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to ‘persuade’ them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is SO BAD, it’s good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And, finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Cactus Planters

My mom sent this to me. It’s a pretty bad one, I warn you.

An elementary school class started a class project to make planters to take home to their parents.

They wanted to have a plant in it that was easy to take care of, so they decided to use cactus plants.

The students were given green-ware pottery planters in the shape of clowns which they painted with glaze.

The clown planters were professionally fired at a class outing so they could see the process.

It was great fun!
They planted cactus seeds in the finished planters and they grew nicely, but unfortunately, the children were not allowed to take them home.

The cactus plants were removed and small ivy r eplaced them and the children were then allowed to take them home instead.

The teacher said cactus seemed like a good idea at the time!

I’m Joining You

George said that he was going to go to hell for laughing so hard at this.  Well, I’ll meet you there George.